(my friends and I do this every weekend, too!)
Shots of Times Square. The Golden arches of McDonald’s. Reeses Peanut Butter Cup Flagship Store. Toys R Us. Product. Product. Product. The Glee kids are sitting on those horrible red stairs by the TKTS booth wearing very stylish clothing. Advertisements for all of the Broadway shows are conveniently seen in the background. They talk about how they want to frolic in Central Park and throw stuff off over the Brooklyn Bridge. Because you know, New York. And then they sing the song, “New York, New York”.
***
The Glee kids are talking about how awesome New York is, but how it smells bad. They are staying at a beautiful hotel, because you know, they are outcasts. Matthew Morrison, who is their chaperone, lies and says he has a lot of “paperwork” to do and sneaks outside, leaving all of the Glee kids, who are juniors in high school, alone to “work on songs”. He then goes to theatre row , and literally says, “broadway” with a sigh of relief combined with a hint of aspiration.
***
The Glee kids want to sneak out of their beautiful hotel “we don’t need to write songs for nationals. New York is going to write them for us”, so they go back to Times Square again, to sing. While singing, they go to Columbus Circle to eat hot dogs. Afterwards, they go to Lincoln Center to sing while playing in the fountain. They take cabs everywhere. And wear really expensive looking clothes. They go to Central Park, still singing and they sit on the benches and make sexual glances at the NYPD. Then they start running alongside a police officer on horseback, still singing. They hold colorful balloons and flowers. They go back to Columbus Circle and then back to the red TKTS steps at Times Square, before they all ( including the kid in the wheelchair who is played by an actor who can walk) sing while running/circling the edge of the fountain at Lincoln center (again). After the song ends, they laugh a lot.
***
The Glee kids go back to their beautiful hotel. One of the Glee boys likes one of the Glee girls. One of the other Glee kids who is friends with the Glee boy who likes the Glee girl tells the Glee boy that he should ask the Glee girl out because “this is New York and anything can happen“. Back in the Glee girls’ hotel room, everyone is having a pillow fight.
***
Matthew Morrison sings a song alone on an empty Broadway stage with no audience ( but there are stage lights). BUT LITTLE DOES MATTHEW MORRISON KNOW THAT HE ISN’T ALONE. THERE WAS ANOTHER GUY THERE WATCHING MATTHEW MORRISON SING BEAUTIFULLY THE ENTIRE TIME! AND HE TELLS MATTHEW MORRISON THAT MATTHEW MORRISON HAS “GOT IT”. AND BY “IT” HE MEANS TALENT!!!!
***
The Glee boy and the Glee girl go on a date. They are wearing fancy, expensive clothes while walking around Central Park. The Glee boy gets the Glee girl an expensive looking bouquet of flowers and takes her out to an expensive looking restaurant called SARDIS where “all of the Broadway stars hang out”. And we know this is true because the Glee boy and the Glee girl see Patti Lupone having dinner there. The Glee girl tells Patti Lupone that Patti Lupone is her idol. Patti Lupone asks the Glee girl if she’s an actress, and when the Glee girl says yes, Patti Lupone says, “PROMISE ME YOU’LL NEVER GIVE UP” and the Glee girl says “I PROMISE!”. Afterward, the Glee girl and Glee boy walk down a really fancy block that looks far away from midtown. The Glee girl is enchanted by this block and we know she is enchanted because she says “being in New York is like falling in love over and over again” and then a bunch of other Glee kids start to serenade the Glee girl and Glee boy on the street. One of them has an accordion all of a sudden. This makes the Glee girl and the Glee boy almost kiss but alas (!), the Glee girl pulls away at the last second and says ” I can’t”! And then she proceeds to disappear into the distance because she knows how to get back to her hotel room.
***
The next morning, the Glee girl and another Glee kid are wearing extremely expensive looking clothing and are having a magical time eating breakfast at Tiffanys (literally). And then they break into the Gershwin Theatre, where Wicked is playing. And then the get to sing a song from Wicked on the stage of Wicked because the security guard said they could? (YOU GOT FIFTEEN MINUTES). The two Glee kids are so happy to be singing on this Broadway stage. We know they are happy because they keep squealing and when they finish singing the song, they cry tears of happiness and squeal more.
Okay i can’t watch this anymore. To read part II, go to bananafish.
