I wanted to offer a counterpoint to this post called 10 Reasons To Date Someone In The Arts.
NOTE: Before you get mad, I love Chiara and she said I could do it.
NOTE NOTE: I’m in the arts and so is my live-in boyfriend.
Look at these assholes!
As if sitting through the awful excuse for a date (WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BUYING A GIRL DINNER YOU JERK) wasn’t bad enough, your artist fling will complain endlessly about whatever event he/she dragged you to afterward while getting sloppy drunk on PBRs. You will waste much valuable time listening to him/her criticize the artist responsible for throwing the event you just attended and hear them say things like ”AESTHETIC” , “CATHARSIS” and ” UGH, I’m so SICK of narrative structure” as they pick apart each song, painting, line, character with an awful glint in their eye that reminds you of the devil. Or worse, if the artistic event you attended was a good one, your artist date will feel so threatened and inferior that you’ll have to spend the rest of the night stroking their ego.
2
You are at an artistic event. You see a table of alcohol and think, WELL…I had to pay twenty dollars to stand around in this dirty warehouse while listening to super loud ambient sounds and being surrounded by naked people who aren’t even hot, BUT AT LEAST THERE IS AN OPEN BAR! YAY! But just as you’re about to reach for the booze (which is either a terrible looking punch with $9 vodka in it or cheap beer) you are stopped by the glare of a bitter, angry volunteer/intern/usher who is probably an aspiring artist. “THE SUGGESTED DONATION IS THREE DOLLARS,” they say. You reach into your pocket. You don’t have cash. WORST.
3
Ever wonder how your cute artsy guy/girl affords that nice midtown apartment when all they ever seem to do is unpaid “gigs”? THEIR PARENTS BOUGHT IT FOR THEM. Lots of artists work day-jobs in order to avoid being homeless. And then they come home and work on their art. Which means they probably work a total of a million hours a week and are too exhausted to spend time with you most nights, muchless have sex with you.Doesn’t that sound appealing?!?!?! Also, in the off-chance that you are dating a successful artist who actually makes a good living from their art….OH WAIT. THAT DOESN’T EXIST. Just kidding. It does exist. But it’s really hard to accomplish. And it will drive you crazy to try. Oh my god. I’m going to cry. Or laugh. AHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA. HA.. HEEUHHHH.
4
Artists are always looking to get in good with agents/donors/producers/curators/reviewers. If one of these things are your profession, you can expect artists to buy you lots of drinks with their maxed out credit cards, while looking at you with a hint of desperation, loneliness and self-loathing in their eyes. If you aren’t one of these things, you will be classified a “normal person” which basically means you don’t matter- even if you do something much courageous with your life, like being a nurse or a mother, because you know- artists think that THEY ARE THE BRAVEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
5
In other words, they’re completely selfish alcoholic messes who can’t take care of themselves or get their priorities straight! FUN! ATTRACTIVE! STABLE!
6
Do you enjoy loud, emotional, self-centered people who at times, weep uncontrollably for absolutely no reason? Do you get turned on by crazy mood-swings that are inherently dictated by something called ” MY PROCESS?”
How about being forced to leave the room because your artist guy/girl is “researching” or practicing “Linklater” or making “video art” that consists of breaking mirrors and mixing corn syrup and food coloring to create fake blood that will never ever, ever come off of your floor no matter how hard you scrub?
7
Also, I would just like to come out and say to my exboyfriends who are reading this, that I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. I EXPLODE ALL OF YOUR FLAWS IN FRONT OF MANY PEOPLE AND MAKE FUN OF YOU IN MEAN, CRUEL AND DISGUSTING WAYS AND CALL IT “POETIC LANGUAGE”.
If you dating an artist, get used to a wild ride of simultaneous ego and insecurity. Whether it’s PAY ATTENTION TO ME ALWAYS or IS SHE/HE PRETTIER THAN ME or WHY DIDN’T I GET THAT AUDITION/PART/GRANT/GALLERY/FELLOWSHIP/GOODREVIEW, your life will have to consist of compliments in order to keep your artist mate happy.
9
They will hate everything you watch/read/listen to. He/she will tear you down and analyze why you like Top 40 music/musical theater/books by Nicholas Sparks/blockbusters/landscape paintings. They’ll get mad at you if you didn’t like The Tree Of Life. You will get into fights over stupid, meaningless things that the world can live without, but of course, you can never actually say that, because ART IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER. EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN GOD. Oh, and if you believe in God, get ready to be shit on too. BECAUSE WE KNOW EVERYTHING.
10
Today is my day off from my day job. I woke up at nine a.m. and started working on rewrites for Flying Snakes in 3-D (running July 4-7 at Ice Factory: limited engagement tickets available now!!!!) with members of my theater company on google docs. And then I worked on rewrites for another play, Death For Sydney Black, which I’ve been working on since 2009 and can’t seem to find a producer for. And then I felt bad for myself for about thirty minutes and stared at dirty dishes in my sink. And then I went out for a run. It was the first time I’ve ran in about four months. On my run I saw another playwright, Nastaran Ahmadi, who was running so fast that she almost passed me by. We said hello to each other. And then I came home and turned on Netflix and watched a video called HEALING YOGA FOR ACHES AND PAINS because I have chronic back problems. And then I made a smoothie. And then I wrote this blog post. I will spend the rest of the day doing some grocery shopping and then more rewrites on both plays/dickaroundonfacebook until about 11 p.m. when my boyfriend comes home from work. We will kiss each other, watch about three hours of television and then go to bed.
Good news! After much buzz and discussion on this blog about class and privilege, as well as a near sold-out second week run at The Brick Theater I’m proud to announce that FLYING SNAKES IN 3-D!!! has been accepted to the New Ohio Theater’s ICE FACTORY Festival! You can read all about it on Broadway World, PlayBill, Theater Mania and more! PURCHASE TICKETS HERE!
Death For Sydney Black is a play that deconstructs destructive female stereotypes through appropriation and release. Borrowing from contemporary tropes such as ”teen comedy” as well as classical fairy tale narratives, the play highlights the untenable standards girls are subjected to daily while encouraging uncensored, brutal insights about womanhood. The play centers on Nancy, a young girl newly arrived from a magical forest, Jen, her token minority sidekick and and Sydney Black, the evil queen of the high school
that must be brought down. We also meet three cheerleaders who are starving, beautiful and desperate, and the charming jock, Brad (played by the actress who plays Sydney Black). As Jen speaks, sings and raps various versions of a familiar story where the unpopular girl becomes popular, as harsh realities are remembered and roles are reversed, the girls realize they’ve been stuck in the same narrative since the dawn of fairytales through “chickflicks” in 2012 and beyond.
Starring…..
Nancy Upton ( as featured on the The Today Show, Huffington Post, Jezebel), comedian Jen Kwok (NBC’s Standup for Diversity, “Eat, Pray, Love”), Lindsay Mack ( FLYING SNAKES IN 3-D!!!) along with the amazingly awesome Lillian Rodriguez, Susannah Jones and Emily Kratter as The Three Cheerleaders!!!!
Directed by Kip Fagen and Leah Nanako, support by New Georges and Kara Lynn Vaeni
RSVP TO leahnana@gmail.com
Wine and snack reception to follow!
THE ROOM @ New Georges
520 8th Avenue, New York, New York 3rd Floor
My short play ARCH NEMESIS , directed by Andrew Grosso, will be a part of Youngblood/Ensemble Studio Theater’s April Fool’s Brunch on Sunday. It’s about a fourteen year old girl named Casey (Chet Siegel) who inflicts revenge on her tormenter, Calvin (Dave Thomas Brown) and what their Guidance Councilor Judy ( Katie Atcheson) has to say about it. Oh and Calvin, if your’e reading this, I’LL NEVER FORGET HOW YOU CHASED ME AROUND THE PLAYGROUND WHILE MAKING FUN OF ME IN CHING CHONG LANGUAGE FOR WEARING A KIMONO FOR HERITAGE DAY!!!!
PS. If you haven’t gone to one of these before, trust me that they are belligerently fun. And by belligerently fun, I mean there is an open bar.
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Mouth to Mouth Open Mic: Annie Choi and Leah Nanako Winkler
The next installment of our blindingly fun Mouth to Mouth Open Mic is here! Brave the mad March weather to hear LEAH NANAKO WINKLER and ANNIE CHOI at our monthly party. Leah, a current member of youngblood theater company, is a talented playwright, director. The New York Times praised her most recent play, The Internet, saying it “effectively skewers the false personas and banal self-descriptions on dating Web sites while underscoring the longing”. A novelist and comedienne, Annie has received glowing reviews for her memoir, Happy Birthday or Whatever. It’s so funny even her Tiger Mom approves! Annie also writes everything from “fauxbituaries” of famous architects to chair blogs. Join us for the ED LIN and JEN KWOK hosted variety night, complete with ukulele, puns, and birthday hats.
@The Asian American Writers’ Workshop
112 West 27th Street, 6th Floor
Between 6th and 7th Avenues
Buzz 600
$5 suggested donation
Come at 7:30 PM to sign up for an Open Mic slot!
ANNIE CHOI is the author of Happy Birthday of Whatever: Track Suits, Kim Chee, and Other Family Disasters (HarperCollins). Her work has appeared in White Zinfandel, Pidgin Magazine, Architecture Digest (China), and the New Museum’s The Last Newspaper. She received her BA from the University of California, Berkeley and her MFA in writing from Columbia University. Her current Amazon reviewer ranking is 28,739. Visit her blog at annietown.com.
LEAH NANAKO WINKLER is from Kamakura Japan and Lexington, KY. Her plays have been produced at venues like The Brick Theater, The Incubator Arts Project/Ontological Hysteric Theater, and Ars Nova as well as places in Philly, Ft. Lauderdale, Indianapolis, and Washington, DC. She is a Terra Nova Collective Groundbreakrs alum, current member of youngblood, a founding member of Everywhere Theatre Group, and has worked with companies like Young Jean Lee’s Theater Company and the Asian American Arts Alliance. Her essays on hapa identity were commissioned by the Japanese American National Museum’s Discover Nikkei Project. www.leahwinkler.org.
KIM
I had dinner with him last night one on one and I was going…crazy. I had nothing to talk to him about. He’s a good heart. He’s a Christian. He’s everything on paper exactly what I wanted in someone. But for some reason my heart isn’t connecting. I’ve tried and I’ve tried but I don’t know what to do. And I want my whole family to at least BACK ME. You think I feel good that I like….met this guy from Minnesota and I…….I….I feel awful that like…I MADE him move out here and like, and change his WHOLE LIFE and I feel bad for him?!?! I FEEL SAD. I FEEL BAD FOR THE GUY. I CHANGED HIS WHOLE LIFE AND HE FELL IN LOVE WITH ME AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND NOW MY FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED! You don’t think I feel bad that I invited all these people to this huge wedding and FLEW EVERYONE OUT and wasted everyones time? You know… I wasted everyones money. I wasted everyones …EVERYTHING…. and I feel BAD. YOU DON’T THINK I FEEL BAD???????!!!!! AT THIRTY YEARS OLD I THOUGHT I’D BE MARRIED WITH KIDS AND I’M NOT. I FAILED AT THIS AND YOU DON’T THINK I FEEL BAD?!!!?!!!!!
So, I normally don’t conflate my blog with personal politics- and I was just about to write a thank you note to everyone regarding the awesome support during snakes –but I saw this and need to switch gears a bit and write about my experience with Planned Parenthood. If you have time, please sign this. To read a million more stories about how Planned Parenthood saves lives: go here. It is a blog called Planned Parenthood Saved Me and it’s where this story, like many others are posted in hopes of support.
me and my mom. Terrible pic of me but isn’t she pretty?
Since I never had health insurance growing up, I had to learn how to be resourceful when it came to taking care of my lady parts at a young age. Naturally, Planned Parenthood has been my OGBYN for years and no matter where I moved to when I left home or traveled to after college to pursue my struggling artist endeavors, I knew I could always count on a Planned Parenthood clinic that would accept me with open arms in times of horrible UTI’s, girl emergencies and general checkups. However, I was always worried about my mom back home, who, due to language barriers, didn’t necessarily have the skill-set to do much research on her own, especially regarding personal healthcare without insurance. But she looked completely normal (and beautiful) and took routine checkups at the local emergency room every couple of years with fine results, so I assumed everything was okay for the time being (or at least until she got super old). However, in April 2008, when she was barely 50, my mom mentioned to me that she had been bothered by a strange lump in her left breast for a few months during a casual phone call. I completely freaked out. And although I felt helpless, being thousands of miles away from her, I knew I could rely on her local Planned Parenthood to find out if anything was seriously wrong. So I called the number immediately and after quickly explaining the situation to the kind operator, she graciously squeezed my mom in for a same day appointment. After a screening, they rushed her to see the right doctor, and much to our dismay-she was subsequently diagnosed with stage 2a breast cancer. Thanks to their insights, my mom was able to get proper treatment, and after struggling through surgery, radiation, chemo, and many tears, she is now cancer free. Since Breast cancer is a ticking-time bomb where months, weeks and even days can often mean a difference between life and death, Planned Parenthood’s prompt assistance and compassion was life-saving. Without them, my mom might not be here today. The defunding of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast-cancer foundation sends a horrible message that the lives of every single mother does not matter. That some mothers aren’t worth saving. Can the world really be that cruel? Planned Parenthood’s cancer screening program is so important and it needs our support. Without this amazing organization, I wouldn’t have known who to call or who to trust to ensure that my mom was in good hands in a time of great need. Please fight. Fight for mothers. Fight for every woman. Fight for Planned Parenthood!
We’re down to the last two performances of Flying Snakes in 3-d!!! Get your tickets to ensure seats at https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/899505
PS. I love you!
More comments on the issue and I will continue to shamelessly plug. Get your tickets here: https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/899505
PS-I am getting to the point where I think people who have read my blog and also come to Flying Snakes in 3-D!!! are going to be completely surprised when they find out that the piece is a comedy.
PSS- Remember when a similar thing happened around this time last year and we ended up in The Guardian? Where is Chris Wilkinson?
From Andrew
Kevin-
Some interesting thoughts, though your thesis of the need for artists to start thinking of their work as a business does raise some important questions for me. As a playwright, it’s always very difficult to listen to the audience when revising or developing a piece, especially if audience members are not artists themselves. Especially if they’re not theatre artists. Especially if they’re not playwright. This is in no way a statement of elevated status, it’s logic. An electrician wouldn’t ask a televison producer how to better wire a house….etc. Too often I’ve found audience members disagreeing with elements of my plays, suggesting changes of ending, being confused by symbols…etc because they didn’t agree or “understand” it in a visceral sense that they were able to relate to their own personal experience. This is not me being defensive, it’s realizing my vision and intention being addressed from outside, critical eyes. It’s a simple disagreement, and in business, the old adage goes: “The customer is always right.” In this case, “customer” would translate to “audience” or even “producer” (if we should be so lucky). But often times in audience response you have polarities in opinions, most of which come from a responsive place of “I want to see this” vs. “The play/story needs this”. As Leah has brilliant articulated and defended, audience reaction come from a place of personal taste and personal history. Sometimes – in my opinion, all too frequently- artists have their art being criticized and reviewed by members of the varying different classes/statuses/gender/race/sex… and yes, while this is productive for dialogue, how productive is it in the further development and/or the evaluation of the art?
I’m very worried that if we artists begin to look at our work through a heavy business lens, we’ll be creating work that lacks breath, lacks muscles, lacks ourselves. In business, you change plans and models to cater to the customers who are keeping you afloat. If theatre does this, then what’s the point?
Keep in mind too, that Shakespeare was writing in a different time, a different place, and different stories. He is a master of the stage because of TALENT and because, frankly, what other playwright of the time created the complex, beautiful, dynamic stories that he did? It was just a different time, so therefore not at all comparable.
Just my thoughts.
I loved FLYING SNAKES IN 3-D because it made me LAUGH. It was funny, it was campy, it had snakes being represented as silly sock-pockets the actors slipped over their hands. They hissed. They danced. They came from a place of privilege. And they were defeated. By a large mongoose. I loved FLYING SNAKES IN 3-D.
Andrew
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