(thank you Chad Burgess, Chase Voorhees for video!)

Bieber Bug

© 2010 Leah Nanako Winkler

As part of Terra Nova Collective’s “Bug Out” benefit for the Groundbreakers Reading Series, 12/6/2010

Featuring Emily Kratter

Directed by Shelley Butler



THIRTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRL, speaks from the heart and means everything she says.

NOTE ON STYLE: THIREEN YEAR OLD GIRL should be played by an actual young person. If played by an adult, make sure the performer does not play to the irony of the lines to cheapen her feelings as satire.  She really loves Justin Bieber and would do anything for him and there is nothing funny about it. Her pacing is rapid but articulate.


The bedroom of THIRTEEN YEAR-OLD GIRL. She is alone.


The most beautiful day that ever happened on this earth in the history of earth and its most beautiful days was March 1st 1994 because that was the day that you were born. On March 1st 1994 the planets combined forces with the white lights of heaven and brought to us a gift. A superstar. An angel.  An emerald amongst the trash spewing out of the wombs of those mothers who weren’t as lucky as Patti.

She-the chosen one- a beautiful girl of seventeen- nobly delivered a raised a being that would transcend expectations and generate so many raw emotions within the hearts of this breathing world.

When people ask me what I’m crying for.

When people ask me what I’m screaming for.

I tell them, it’s you.

You were a brown-eyed baby boy who came gliding into this world on waves of energy and noise at 12:59 p.m. and not one nurse or doctor at St. Jude’s hospital, your kind father JEREMY with a checkered past, your supportive Grandma, your quirky Grandpa, his ex wife, her friendly husband, their children, your half-brother and stepbrother both named Chris, or even compassionate PATTI knew just how important you already were. THEY DID NOT KNOW YOUR DESTINY.

But if I were there, I would have understood.

I like to imagine things.

I like to imagine things a lot. Moments that I have missed are mine just by closing my eyes.

Like I imagine you at two.

Playing outside, grass beneath your bare feet.

At four, looking at the sunlight as Patti draws the curtains and says “watch your eyes”.

At six …you count the wind in threes because even then you saw the world in rhythms and sounds.

Seven. Take in the universe with that smile.  “U smile, I smile,” that innocent, mischievous smile. It means so much to me.

But most of all I like to imagine that it’s Christmas morning and I’m there with you at Star Lake in Canada (!) And you let me go elk hunting with you!! And when we come back for our turkey gravy dinner that your grandma made I look at everyone around me and know that we’re not perfect. But we’re a family. And we love each other. And that’s what’s important because I believe in love. Because love is real.  No judgments, pure love.

And you make me feel that because…

Because at two I was already searching for you.

And at four that void got stronger.

At six I cried for you and didn’t know it.

Seven, eight, nine, ten, just counting down the days until I saw that first video on YouTube, ” I need you boo” and little did I know back then how much I really do need you boo and now when I gaze into your eyes through the screen hoping, knowing that someday you will reflect back to me the love I give to you and root for me like I root for you and protect me like I protect you from any hate from those haters who spew hate by hating on your beautiful shaggy hair by saying it’s styled like a lesbian woman’s haircut!!! They just can’t hear the power of your voice!!!!!!!!!!

But don’t forget JB-for every hater there are a ten million lovers. Your natural boyish physique and charismatic demeanor attracts people of all shapes, sizes, genders and sexualities!!!!!!!!! Now how many people can say that?!!!!!!!!

But I guess you didn’t need me to tell you that did you?!!!!!!! Because these are lessons you have taught me first, my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Realize your strength!!!!!!!!! Never give up!!!!!!!!! Do it all on your own!!!!!! Live your dreamz!!!!!!! Fight forever! Stand up! Stay up! Get off the ground! Let. Go!!!!!!! Never say Never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I feel like nobody cares about me.

And it’s hard to keep my head up when the kids at school call me “Pimple” or “Rough Draft”.

And people are always going away.

Mom left.

I hate dad.


My cat Baby…she’s dead too.

Dead. Dead. Dead. In the ground.

And then there are the living people who are dead to me too. Like stupid Claire.

See, see Claire use to love you like I love you and…andwe would talk all the time about your passion and your word and…andwe would watch your concert vids and weep together a million times over and when you broke down in Cincinnati during “Down to Earth” we were right there with you fighting through the hurt and…and we needed you together and we loved you together and that made us love each other more and we both got lockets and put your picture inside but then as soon as she started going out with Ben Steinmetz she replaced your picture with his picture and she doesn’t spend any time with me any more. So one day….I told her that she was turning into a  HATER and a BETRAYER and she’s all like, ” I don’t have time to deal with this right now” and so I was like, OH I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS,  and now she wont speak to me and she doesn’t even listen to your music anymore BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

But I know what love is.

I feel sorry for people who don’t.

And I feel sorry for those who haven’t experienced love like I have.

When I love somebody I want to be around them ALL THE TIME.   I want to touch their skin and tell them sweet things and sing love songs that are so good that when you hear them you feel a sense of relief. I’ll do anything for love and nobody, especially nobody like Ben Steinmetz could ever change that. So I guess Claire never loved me. So I don’t love her back and now the only person I love is you.

JB, I know I’m not blonde like that stupid whore with the dumb shorts in the “U Smile” vid, and there are a lot of pretty girls out there you meet on tour who might seem nice.

But those girls aren’t nice and they say moronic idiotic degrading things that just makes me want to die. They taint the comment boxes under your sweet baby pictures by saying asinine things like how you were hot even when you were a baby.  Or tweet distasteful things about your precious body for attention. They think they have a connection with you but they don’t! HA!

Back in the old days I would get a feeling in between my heart and my gut that you were gonna post a new vid and when I would go to your channel page, it would turn out that I was right. And I KNEW that you and I were connected. I could FEEL you reading my comments. And some day…I know you’ll reply!

And when you say my name it may be the first time but it wont be the last.

And you’ll get to know me.

And you’ll learn all the idiosyncrasies hidden behind my blue eyes.

And you’ll see I like quiet mornings just like you do.

And how I hate Ugg boots just like you do ( I never wear them and I never will!)

And how I’m learning French for you and hockey too.

And we’ll play all day and shout “Go Maple Leaves! Avez-Vous Faim!”

And we would sleep in bunk beds.

And I’d let you take the top bunk.

And we would talk all night.

And you would understand me when I’d tell you how I KNOW what it’s like to be told you’ll NEVER make ANYTHING of yourself.

And you’ll smile at me  and say”You’re going to fly and live your dreamz just like I do. I’m here to show you your worth. “

And that will be the best day of my life.

But for now I’ll just listen to your songs. And hear you tell me beautiful things….like how on a given day I could be one less lonely girl…or that you’ll catch my tears as they hit the floor and once you have me you’ll never let go.

JUSTIN BIEBER’S hit song ” BABY (featuring Ludacris)” begins to blast through the speakers. THE THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL listens through the intro with intense eyes gazing toward the audience while slowly spreading her arms like wings. She then dances out all of the pain inside of her heart.